The Tool of Influence

You “Are” Your Friends

The Attraction Key

03 Jul 2025 • 3 min read

The company you keep reflects you in some way. Additionally, there’s the opposite belief that you are the opposite of your closest relationship. Are these just old myths, or is there some truth to these ideas?

Are you a complicated personality mix of your partner, your best friend, and your co-workers? Some psychologists and mental health workers look for clues to a person’s personality in their relationships. While this can be a valid method to use in helping someone with relationship issues, it is not always the best way to determine what is going on with you. This view assumes that you adapt certain behaviors as your own, and the result is a mixture of different personality types.

Influence: Yours and Others’

Who influences you and who do you influence? The difference is in how you use outside influence, not by adopting personality traits, but by studying these personality traits of others to see how they are impacting you.

It starts before we’re even born. Names are picked, toys are selected, and bedrooms painted.

Sorting It Out

As we grow, we learn what works to help us get our way, and what doesn’t. We also learn how to influence our caregiver of the moment, whether it’s parents, sitters, siblings, or strangers.

And we are trained, bribed, fed, and instructed by those who influence us.

The Reality

The reality is that we grow and develop into complicated beings who know how to influence others and situations in life, and we are influenced by the people surrounding us.

Most of this influence affects us in unconscious ways as it is stored in our subconscious minds, even though we are not aware of it.

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An Accurate Description

When someone says you are under the influence of your friends, it would be more accurate to say you are under the influence of what is stored in your brain from birth. It is an infinite amount of information.

The subconscious mind is actually the biggest influence on our lives. The information within is fed back to us all day and all night. It processes significantly more than the conscious mind, about 11 million bits of data per second while the conscious mind processes about 400 bits of data per second. If all of our external influences throughout our lives are stored in the subconscious, think about how much they influence you if it’s constantly feeding 11 million bits of data back to you.

Influence vs. Control: the Difference

If others are influencing you, you can influence others. You already are, simply by interacting with them and forming relationships with them. Now that you are aware of your influence, it’s time to do it intentionally.

Keep in mind, understanding your influence on others is not about control. You are not controlling them. Seeking control over others is self-defeating and self-limiting. When your objective to control others comes to the surface, people in your orbit will look for ways to escape you. Influence is much more powerful because, according to Psychology Today, to “seek influence is to succeed simply by speaking or even thinking. To seek control, on the other hand, is to continually feel anxious about failing at it.”

How to influence others:

People are influenced more by what you do, rather than what you say. To influence others, your actions and the results of your actions are the greatest examples of who you are.
Because people believe what you do, not what you say, it is important that your actions speak with integrity and honesty. If you cheat, you are unbelievable. If you are honest, people respect you.
Go for the long-term results. Use your success to influence others to partner with you in a business, or in investments.
Your business success will also bring you personal and successful relationships that you can rely on.

Your Power Awaits You

First, recognize you are influenced by others; and, you have amazing powers of influence with them.

Second, be mindful if you are trying to control others. A much more effective tool is to use influence.

Third, your actions and successes will attract quality people in your life.